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dad - i think that your plot was semi-creative, I even appreciate the coding that you spent time doing. it's just the piece was so average. nothing about it really stood out. one thing i would work on if i were you and going to continue writing, is your writers voice. it's just not strong, it doesn't carry me through the piece. i had to kind of force myself at points. i think once you develop that you will be a good writer indeed.
vada - this is probably the 2nd best piece i read this week, i can definitely see this being a lifetime movie (laughs). but on the other hand the flow was smooth as a babies ass, and the use of vocab grabbed me and gave me a sense of freshness. this was a very good read, keep doing your thing. good twist too.
vote = vada
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