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Old 01-12-2008, 11:28 AM   #9 (permalink)
Mound 10
At peace
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Palestine
Posts: 136
Mound 10 runs this shit!Mound 10 runs this shit!Mound 10 runs this shit!Mound 10 runs this shit!Mound 10 runs this shit!Mound 10 runs this shit!Mound 10 runs this shit!Mound 10 runs this shit!Mound 10 runs this shit!Mound 10 runs this shit!Mound 10 runs this shit!
dad - i think that your plot was semi-creative, I even appreciate the coding that you spent time doing. it's just the piece was so average. nothing about it really stood out. one thing i would work on if i were you and going to continue writing, is your writers voice. it's just not strong, it doesn't carry me through the piece. i had to kind of force myself at points. i think once you develop that you will be a good writer indeed.

vada - this is probably the 2nd best piece i read this week, i can definitely see this being a lifetime movie (laughs). but on the other hand the flow was smooth as a babies ass, and the use of vocab grabbed me and gave me a sense of freshness. this was a very good read, keep doing your thing. good twist too.

vote = vada
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