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Baysick
Do you think I have eagle vision or some shit? Damn that was hard to read lol. Anyways, where shall I start? Overall, the technical aspects of the rhyme wasn't particularly advanced. That isn't always a bad thing. A Lot of people over do it. I think you might have underdone it a little. There was some decent use of single syllable rhymes within the lines but I suppose a few multis here and there wouldn't have hurt anything. The story was ok but it seemed a bit hectic in that it didn't always transition from thought to thought all that smoothly. I had to stop myself a few times to figure out where you were and what you were trying to convey and how it related to the line before it. I think the ending would have been a little better if it were a little more shocking. You sort of let the cat out of the bag a little early and so for the last chunk of the rhyme I more or less knew what to expect other than the husband being the cop. Overall, this is solid, but there are certainly things that could be tightened up a little with some more practice.
Cereal Killer
This whole rhyme had a bit of a poetic feel to it. Technically, it falls somewhere in the middle. Nothing mindblowing but definitely solid enough to carry the verse along. You kinda tried to mix some humor in there with what would otherwise be a fairly serious subject. I thought it worked ok. The story itself, other than some of the humor and methods used to suction out shit, was pretty straightforward. There was a twist, but nothing out of nowhere. I don't know; I don't really have much else to say.
I have to give this one to Cereal Killer. To me, it seemed to have a better flow to it in terms of progressing from beginning and the overall skill level displayed seem to out-do Baysick by a bit.
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